Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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