Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
