Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
