He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
