Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
