just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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