Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
