I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize