Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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