is your mom at the bar?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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