when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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