so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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