He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
