i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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