it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
