When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
