Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
