We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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