Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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