I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
