Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
