You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
