He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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