I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
