shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
