Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
