I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
