nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
