You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
