worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
