Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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