at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
