After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
