I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The air taste purple.
Randomize
