so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
