Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
