can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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