Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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