First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
