My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
