Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
