okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize