Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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