I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
