Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i love accidental penises.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
