So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His hands were made for my vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
