we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's like iHOP with fire
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize