what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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