Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
