You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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