you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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