I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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