hotel room ftw
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
