like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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