I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
