At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am mentally ready for anal.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
