I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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