You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
