I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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