the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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