I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
