I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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