Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
