Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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