I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
