I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
