Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
