He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You dont lie about slip and slides
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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