dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
