well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
