Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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